I want to tell you something I don’t talk about very often.
There was a time in my twenties when I couldn’t leave my apartment. Not wouldn’t — couldn’t. Depression had settled into my bones so deeply that opening the curtains felt like an act of courage I didn’t have. The thought of facing the world made me want to disappear.
But I had dogs. And they needed to be walked.
So I got up. I put on shoes. I stepped outside. And I felt the sun on my face.
My dogs didn’t cure my depression. But they kept me moving long enough to heal.
I shared this story recently on my podcast with Dr. David Haworth, and I want to share it with you now — because I know some of you have lived a version of this. Maybe your pet was the only reason you got out of bed during a hard season. Maybe they were the only warm body that sat with you while you cried on the floor. Maybe they didn’t judge you when the rest of the world felt impossible.
If that’s you, I see you. And this letter is for you.
Here’s something that stopped me in my tracks when I first heard it: when a spouse dies, the surviving partner has a 50% chance of dying within a year. But if there’s a dog in the house, that mortality rate is cut in half.
You are twice as likely to survive grief if you have a dog.
Not because dogs are magic (well, maybe a little). But because they force us to get up. To hold a routine. To remember that life still needs us — even when we don’t want it to. They tether us to the world with the simplest things: a leash, a walk, a bowl that needs filling, a nose pressed into our palm at 6 AM whether we’re ready or not.
That’s not small. That’s everything.
David and I talked about something else that I think every pet parent carries but rarely says out loud: guilt.
The guilt of leaving them alone when you go to work. The guilt of wondering if you’re doing enough. The guilt of that one time you got impatient, or the day you were too tired to take the long walk, or the choice you made at the end that you’ll replay in your mind for years.
Here’s what I want you to hear — really hear: guilt is not a sign that you’re failing. It’s a sign that you love fiercely. You cannot feel that kind of guilt without caring that deeply. And the fact that you worry about being a good enough pet parent? That is what makes you a good one.
Give yourself the same grace you give your pet when they knock over the water bowl for the third time today.
If this letter resonated with you, I’d love for you to listen to my full conversation with Dr. David Haworth on the My Dog Is Better Than Your Dog podcast. We go deep into the human-animal bond, the Golden Retriever Lifetime Study, what the microbiome means for longevity — and yes, we both cried a little.
And if someone in your life is grieving a pet, or loving one so hard it scares them a little — send them this. Sometimes knowing you’re not alone in how deeply you feel is the most healing thing of all.
With so much love, Dr. Lily
